Hanoi

Our journey to Hanoi was extended, hassled and eye-opening. The initial trip into Vietnam via the international bus was pleasant (apart from a nerve racking ferry across the Mekong) enough taking around 5 or 6 hours with only the border crossing being painful - why oh why did the coach company insist on taking all our passports to the desk and then try and call out our names (in very bwoken (sic) English) to pass through - result a huddled mass of people with huge suitcases radiating in the heat, looking confused at each announcement and blocking the way through for anybody unfortunate to be standing behind them, but called through before them. We have this system that works very well elsewhere - its called queueing.

Luxury(ish) bus

A couple of hours later and we arrive Ho Chi Minh City (Saigon) - why you may ask did we go via Ho Chi Minh when our destination was Hanoi (exactly the other side of Vietnam) - good question. Well due to over eagerness on my part top book cheap flights (from Ho Chi Minh to Bangkok) and lack of flights from Cambodia to Hanoi meant we were to spend a night in Ho Chi Minh before flying north.

The Neak Luong Ferry looks a lot safer than it felt (or probably is)

We were a little apprehensive arriving in Vietnam given every guide book basically states to trust no one and expect to be robbed. Hence we nervously parked our backsides in the Bus Company's office whilst we meekly awaited the arrival of a porter from our hotel. The jolly big fellow duly arrived and helped us carry our luggage five minutes down the road. Our room was nice (even having a PC) yet (like many in Ho Chi Minh) having no window. We settled in for the night after some awful food at the restaurant downstairs. The next morning the hotel organised us a cab (the cabs here are a 'delight' btw - more on that in the Ho Chi Minh blog) and we set off through the sea of mopeds to the airport. Check in was reminiscent of India - the emphasis is on who can appear most innocent when completely circumventing the large queue and walking straight to the desk. Luckily we had some western allies in front of us and we managed to ensure our place, although I think the masses of Vietnamese behind us may not have been so lucky. We'd chosen Jetstar Pacific Airlines for our journey mainly because it was ridiculously cheap, but still offered some comfort in the fact that Quantas own 30% or so. Here is a hint for any trip you take to Vietnam - avoid them like the plague. Our suspicions were first aroused by the queue of locals behind us - they appeared to be mainly unwashed, coughing, carrying small children and exceptionally confused by the whole airport process. This may seem a cruel and patronising opinion, but when the man sitting next to you wipes a good amount of the contents of his nose all over the seat in front of him I feel fully justified. The plane itself was knackered (20 year old 737s), I was quite relieved when it finally got into the air as the rattles and vibrations receded to a level where a shouting conversation was feasible. On landing (yet another rattling delight) we got to the terminal building to find Monali's baggage had undergone a secondary inspection (the type where handlers look for dangerously expensive goods) luckily they'd just opened the flap at the back that contains the rucksack handles. No wonder they ask at check in if you have money, laptop or camera in your checked baggage! Having survived this ordeal we travelled into town courtesy of the hotel pick up service. Our Daiwoo (or other similar crappy Asian brand car) driver drove erratically whilst banging out house tunes from the early nineties - the three or so near misses at speed appeared to be normal practice. We were therefore relived to reach the comfort of the 'Deluxe Hotel' 30 or 40 minutes later.

Bat Su Street from our Balcony

We were staying in the old quarter of Hanoi and were quite excited to go explore (mainly because it was lunch time). We stepped out the hotel and (avoiding the mopeds) entered Highway 4 (or something like that) a restaurant across the street. The place specialised in adding just the right amount of insects to a meal to put you off. Crickets in the mango salad, locusts in the soup and ants with the chicken cashew nut. Needlessly to say we went without our insect protein.

Cold, wet and miserable in front of Hanoi's Cathedral (closed)

The old quarter (and Hanoi) turned out to be a total dump. Don't believe what the Lonely Planet states about quaint old streets or bunkum from other travellers about the people in Hanoi being 'proper' Vietnamese compared to their tourist whoring cousins in the south - the whole old quarter being nice thing is comparable to the emperors new clothes. The weather is grey and depressing, the streets are filthy with dirty water standing next to the street cooks, and you risk your life every time you walk around as mopeds swarm like packs of bees. The motorbikes here seem to conspire in order to get you - you can't walk on the pavement as the damn things are parked everywhere ('cos they get stolen otherwise), but then you can't step into the road because you'll either get wiped out or your bag swiped. Of course there are some highlights - while ours was the airport departure lounge, we did visit some listed as having more historical significance:

Cold, wet and miserable in front of the mystical lake

• The dirty, smelly lake (Hoan Kem) that fills the centre of the old quarter - according to local lore it is inhabited by a god like turtle to whom an emperor of old passed a great sword after victory against the Chinese. Judging by what we saw at food stalls, if there was a turtle (or any other kind of wildlife in here) then the locals would have ate him years ago.

Cold, wet and miserable taking photos of the opera house

• The Opera house - apparently based on the one in Paris - I'm not sure if the opera was up to much, but its house seemed fairly uninspiring to me - you know, four walls, roof that sort of thing.

• The 'Hanoi Hilton' where John McCain and other Americans were detained during the Vietnam war has mostly been destroyed to make way for new office buildings. What remains are a bunch of old dingy rooms signposted with propaganda about how beastly the French were (no disagreement there) and how kindly the Vietnamese treated their American guests (no mention about any torture etc).

In the back of a Chinook (big helicopter)

• We also visited the Army Museum (yet another venue with a two hour lunch break like in Laos). Mainly a bunch of American planes, tanks and other weapons - possibly our particular highlight given the excitement off sitting in the cockpit of a captured Chinook (complete with bullet hole and suspicious red staining in the windscreen). Across the street is a small park containing what must be one of the last standing statues of Lenin - the old red cloaked rogue.

And that was it - a very boring and miserable few days. Even our normal pick me up (Asian food) was dull - we ate 'Pho' the national dish which turns to be tasteless soup with noodles. Luckily we had invested in a much more expensive form of stimulant - a trip to Halong Bay!!