Bangkok

Ah Bangkok the favourite of grey haired, pot-bellied London taxi drivers and international table tennis champions. We’d only ever seen Bangkok and its new international airport on news reports about some guys in yellow or red shirts, however we were less concerned about revolutions and instead being more wary  about the taxi touts and scams we’d read about in the Lonely Planet.  Not to worry – ever anal (and sad) I had checked the ‘Youtube’ videos the night before which actually guide you from arrivals to taxi rank – and so with hotel address in quivering hand we quickly made our way down to the ground floor and jumped into a perfectly safe, metered honest taxi.

And this is how it continued. We had read and been told stories about gem scams, pickpockets and a go-go girls, but Bangkok seemed as safe as a Saudi Arabia is to a former North African leader. Perhaps it is the fact that our senses and suspicions are currently set to max after nearly two months in India, but it felt like such a pleasure to relax in a clean, orderly and relatively spacious city.

Even the sculptures are a little racy

Our hotel was in the Sukhummvit area of Bangkok. Sukhummvit is a fairly prosperous area of the city (very prosperous for some of the girls of ‘Soi Cowboy’ - more on that later) and is very well connected thanks to the ‘Skylink’ an elevated metro system that connects Bangkok.

In front of the snow scene from 'The Empire Strikes Back' sad, but cool

We spent most of our first day exploring and sampling the delights of our favourite cuisine. My particular highlight was the very cool Star Wars Lego expo in one of the swanky shopping centres. If only shopping centres around the world would realise that men have no place (or utility) when it comes to shopping. Some form of man crèche facility with lures such as Playstations and other attractions (toys with age range 8-14) would keep us happy.

More grey heads than a post office on pension day

We found different types of attractions for men that evening in an area (best ‘googled’ from home) known as ‘Soi Cowboy’.  Fortunately (in Thailand at least) the ‘entertainment’ here appeared within an age range that was legal, but not respectable when you consider the age of the grey haired gentlemen most often seen disappearing with them. A rule here for those of you with grey-haired colleagues, friends and even family that are male and heading to Thailand (or SE Asia) alone or with a group of men – THEY ARE COMING FOR THAI LADIES!  

Soi Cowboy is one of three areas known for Sex Tourism in Bangkok – the area is also very welcoming to those interested in watching what goes on – so we took an early evening drink at ringside. The place is crawling with western men talking, fondling, disappearing or waiting to do one or more of these things with Thai ladies a third their age and nobody bats an eyelid. From what we have seen there are lots of different sides to ‘sex tourism’ in Thailand, but in this neighbourhood (or market) it seems fairly ‘transactional’ if you know what I mean.  

We were in the market for goods rather than services, so we headed off to the local nightmarket to pick up bad quality DVDs and get a preview of the excellent shopping that Bangkok had in store.

Chatuchat market

The next day we headed off to the local weekend shopping destination ‘Chatuchak market’ near Mo Chit  (pronounced exactly as if it were an episode of ‘the Wire’) in Northern Bangkok. This place can only be described as Camden Market on speed. The market is massive with stall after stall of clothes in one area, a section devoted to household and antiques, flowers and plants in another, food stalls dotted everywhere inbetween and then in the middle of it all a load of stalls with adorable dogs, cats and rabbits (for petting, not eating....I think). We bought a few items with an eye on a few thousand more, even inquiring at the DHL shop as to how much  shipping might cost (the place seems a haven for those with boutiques in Europe / USA buying job lots of Buddha’s and other ‘exotic’ wares).

Funky rabbit

Heading home we decided to get some food and alighted the Skytrain at Siam Square. Having just been to Chatuchak we thought we had ‘done’ Bangkok shopping, how wrong we were. Siam Square may just look like a swanky mall (with free candy floss and funky rabbit statues???), but the area around is crammed full of yet more market type stalls selling everything – it’s great fun, but bewildering, confusing and critically it’s exhausting so we grabbed some food, a bubble milk tea and headed home.

Free candyfloss

Retail therapy over, we decided next day that we really ought to do some culture. So we travelled to the temple area of Bangkok via Skytrain and public ferry.  First stop Grand Palace and cue another top tip – read and take note of your guide book when in foreign climes (a) Dan yes you do need long trousers and (b) Monali no you can’t just use a shawl to cover your shoulders. Luckily the Thais are far more organised and anticipate hapless tourists such as us, they provide free clothing to make us ‘respectable’ (if a little ridiculous) enough to enter.

Great trousers

The temple and palace is a very beautiful place with (according to our free Thai guide) the longest painting (mural) in the world that depicts the national story of Thailand (read flying monkeys team up with Thai fellas to rescue some Princess – Darth Vader pales in comparison). The highlight of the temple area is the Jade Buddha. For some reason before you go into the room that contains the sacred little green chap, everybody puts some holy water on their head with a big flower bud – a bucket would be more efficient perhaps, but who am I to argue with two and a half millennia of history (its 2554 in Thailand right now – yes that’s right we are 544 years ahead of you and England still haven’t won the world cup). The Buddha himself is majestic, perched high upon a throne like pyramid of gold and gems. His clothing is changed three times a year by the King of Thailand – an intricate pure gold costume for spring, summer and winter. We filed out of this very crammed hall and headed toward the palace itself. Sadly the interior was closed due to the late hour of the day. The surroundings were immaculate though and very relaxing especially in comparison to the madness of every day Bangkok.

Star Wars Episode VII: The return of the princess

Still yearning for more culture (and a massage) we headed to Wat Po – home of the reclining Buddha and a highly reputed massage school. The Buddha is pretty awe inspiring when seen for the first time – a massive golden smiling face greets your arrival into the hall that must be 40/50ft in length to incorporate the icon’s body. On the way out devotees make monetary offerings to Him placing coins one by one into 30 or 40 consecutive collecting bowls.

After paying our respects to the big man, we decided on a Thai massage at Wat Po’s massage school. It is a little more expensive than most places, but the training and resulting skill of the employees means that it was one of the best treatments we have had.

We headed back to civilisation after that – back to the craziness of Siam Square where we had researched  a great place for ‘replica’ items – the MBK centre. After a spot of (expensive) dinner in the ‘interntional’ food court (strategically place one floor below the much cheaper local version) we hit the shops. I picked up a very reasonable Bell & Ross lookalike for £25, however Monali couldn’t find one to match her taste – bring on Hong Kong! Unfortunately it was getting late and we were tired so we missed much of the centre deciding to head home instead and get some sleep prior to catching the bus to Kanchanaburi the next morning.